mommyx's Blog

Although I've been divorced for many years, it was only in spring of 2008 that I began "dating".  Why have I put dating in quotation marks, you ask?  Because it was certainly not what I expected and I don't know if you can really call some of them “dates”.

My 1.5 year dating summary:
    eHarmony (online)
    Date Hookup (online)   
    Matchmaking service
    Lavalife (online)
    Match.com (online)
    Plenty of Fish (online)
    Hairdresser's client's brother
    Ok Cupid (online)

I previously mentioned that I had been divorced for many years...it was actually seven years that I was not only single but celibate.  I know, I know...how did I go so long without getting any?  And God only knows that since I've had my sexuality reawakened, it has been something akin to creating a monster.  But I digress...

I do actually know at least part of why I could remain single and celibate:  raising twins, going back to school, working full-time and volunteering like a mad-woman (its amazing what kind of energy sexual repression will give you).  It was one of my twins who actually got me thinking about dating.  She had asked me in early 2008 why I didn't have a new husband like dad had a new wife (their dad had remarried the year before).  That seemed to be the green light that I had unknowingly been waiting for to let me know that they were ready for at least the idea of me dating.

In March of 2008, I excitedly signed up for eHarmony after seeing one of their compelling ads.  Ok, maybe not compelling as much as desperately and pathetically hope-inspiring.  I vowed to only sign up for the free stuff and not get a paid membership but you can't communicate without paying so I broke down and did.  I spent hours setting up my profile and answering what seemed like endless questions.  One thing I didn't do was post a picture.  It wouldn't matter, right?  I was going to be matched on how many other dimensions and that was more important than looks, right?  On-line dating realization #1: People (read 'men') are visual.  You could be incredibly witty and intelligent but if you don't post a picture people won't even bother to go to your profile much less read it (yes, I admit I've been guilty of it too). 

I don't like getting my picture taken and if I did allow one, it was usually with one or both of my daughters.  But I now knew I needed a pic of just me.  I brought my camera to work and while one Kristen directed, another Kristen photographed (yes, my two best work pals are both named Kristen).  They both picked the shots they thought were the best and that night I uploaded two of them to my profile.  On-line dating realization #2:  If you post a picture but the other person doesn't find you attractive, they won't bother to read your profile (thus reinforcing realization #1) to find out how witty and intelligent you are.  I'm not saying you have to be model perfect but everyone has their own sense of what makes someone else attractive.

Both of these realizations are not necessarily fair but true 99% of the time (at least from my experience).          

First dating foray = no luck.  I communicated with a couple guys but my eHarmony membership never led to even one live date.  In retrospect, the picture was not the most flattering and I was very nervous about actually meeting someone.  Within a couple months, I not only canceled my subscription but deleted my profile.  At least I was back in the dating saddle (perhaps not technically because I hadn't really gone on a date but at least I was putting myself out there) and had learned a couple lessons.  Little did I know that this was just the beginning of my very eye-opening dating education...

**Extra points to anyone who can name the movie that inspired the title of this blog**

There are times in your life that are so surreal that you can't help but shake your head and think about how wrong the world is...

Let me start by introducing my identical twin daughters, N & B.  N & B were nine years old and N had been asking me about "The Birds & The Bees" for a couple years.  I don't remember exactly how it first came up but somehow I had managed to dodge the bullet.  Eventually my luck ran out and during their ninth summer, we finally had "the talk".

As you will come to find out about me, I like to tell it how it is (abet tactfully).  So in my typical style, I used medical terminology and straight-forward, matter-of-fact descriptions.  Their reactions were not what I expected.  N was no longer curious; she was in tears ("it" was not what she expected).  Because the girls can be so different even though they are identical twins, I shouldn't have been surprised that B's reaction was now one of curiosity and her questions never seemed to end.  One reaction they did have in common was to think the whole act was absolutely disgusting...a reaction I continue to encourage and hope they will keep for years to come!  If that makes me a hypocrite, so be it.

So now that I've addressed the screwing, I assume you must be asking yourself what the hell this has to do with Santa.  It wasn't until months later that another perennial question came up and I felt as if I were in the Twilight Zone.  I mean, what is the world coming to when your children know about sex and yet still believe in Santa Claus?!   Needless to say, the "Santa Talk" that same year was anticlimactic.   

Yeah, it looks just as cheesy in print as it sounds in person.  And it's not even the best one I've heard...Oh, where are my manners?!  Please allow me to introduce myself.  I'm a thirty-something, professional, single mom.  Please call me Mommy X.

Like many of my peers, I am trying to balance being a good parent, having a rewarding career, maintaining my home and now...dating.  May I just say, I'm exhausted (can I get an "Amen" from my sympathetic single parent readers)!  But through it all, I am also having some interesting adventures.  The coworkers, friends and family who are entertained by my stories always tell me I should write a book but I just don't have the time or energy!  So instead, here I am.

I hope you will enjoy my take on lessons learned, things to avoid and fun to be had as I navigate through the happy, sad, naughty and nice adventures I call life.